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Making Sense of an Attraction to a Married Man Having a Secret Love Affair Community Q&A Loving the married man. This is for the women who love their married men and need positive guidance and support to work through their issues.

No matter what side of the fence you’re on both can agree that this is a very controversial and moralistically sensitive topic. The touch of a hand, an innocent conversation, a glance?

Either get the commitment you want and be the starring role instead of the understudy, or get out. Keeping things to yourself will be a big strain emotionally and you need someone who you can confide in, sanity check things with and who will also tell you that you should be doing better. Don’t get pregnant in an attempt to force his hand. A baby is for life…not for using as a tool to get what you want. The better you feel about yourself, the quicker you’ll come to your senses about being the other woman. If he really did love you, he’d put himself in a position to actually be with you properly.

Also if you make him the focus of your existence, it gives him supreme control and makes you very dependent on him. Don’t let him convince you that he is the best you can do for yourself – you are better than playing second best.

But when the man with whom you're involved is part of another couple, someone else's husband, then the challenge and unpredictability can make your life a messy, unhappy waiting game that you will rarely win.

The woman who is in love with a married man lives a life that, for the most part, is shrouded in secrecy.

His family will always come first, and that includes his wife. The beginning of an affair is romantic and naughty at the same time.Perhaps the best advice you can give someone about having a relationship with a married man is telling her not to even start. As my friend Jenna* told me, "You can't help who you fall in love with.The love of your life just might be a married man." Being part of any couple can be challenging and unpredictable, as we all know.This post was originally published back in 2006 and had such a huge response, I had to take it offline as it was causing problems with the server. Sometimes an ultimatum is needed to bring things to a head, but if you have no intention of actually following through – you’ll look like a dipstick and then he knows that he doesn’t actually have to make a decision. You are the other woman, he belongs to someone else, this isn’t a good indicator of how much he can be trusted and he is probably having sex with his girlfriend/wife. It will do you no favours and makes you appear to be jealous and childish. The moment you feel yourself going off the rails and wanting to follow him, cut up his clothes, follow his girlfriend/wife, hang around at his kids school, fake pregnancies, fake diseases and any other devious or attention seeking carry-on, it’s time to abort the mission and bail out. Take off the rose tinted glasses and particularly if you have been with him for an extended period of time, you need to let go.It’s now been republished but you can see the updated version here: 1. If you have any sense of self worth planned, don’t be banking on being the other woman forever. An ultimatum is an ultimatum for a reason which means there should only be ONE. Do tell someone but do ensure that you tell someone who isn’t going to blow the lid on things. Don’t make him the focal point of your existence and don’t be afraid to spend time on your own and certainly spend time with friends and family. How can you be spending so much energy running after a man who is throwing you the crumbs of his attention? This doesn’t mean he loves you – it means he’s greedy, indecisive, cowardly and a cheat. It’s a difficult situation but he is with this person and whatever reason he has come up with being with you and cheating on her, he hasn’t left her and he’s still with her. It doesn’t take that long to leave someone and he is emotionally unavailable no matter what he says.

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