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For some reason, the modern sitcom seems to be the only venue that openly addresses the dark awkwardness of a dating partner’s sexual past.

Television can make such a history into a lot of things — meaningless, devastating, even humorous.

She writes for The Atlantic Sexes and is the author of the forthcoming book Irigaray, Incarnation and Contemporary Women’s Fiction. I am sure others are better equipped to speak to the biblical/theological dimension of this conversation, so I’ll just say that I do not see the Bible as giving any sort of indictment against masturbation, although a puritanical narrative of sexuality is often imposed upon the Bible to make it seem that way.

I think that masturbation can absolutely be a healthy part of both married and unmarried sexuality.

Here are six truths to help still your heart, quiet the lies, and proceed with compassionate caution and wisdom in a relationship with someone who has a sexual history. Whether you measure up to anyone else or not, if you buy into the lie that love should be quantified, you destroy real intimacy.

When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.

But it cannot redeem it, at least not in any truly deep and lasting way.

The reflex reaction of the insecure is to quantify oneself, especially physically: to rush to numbers for security, to resort to inches to feel worthy, to run to the scale to feel loveable.

The one who has his or her own sexual history faces their own challenges.

The twin emotions of judged when you feel the weight of your partner’s regret and struggle to process what their sins mean for you.

When it comes to sins, people tend to use very restrictive definitions in hopes of claiming that what they are doing is not really what is condemned.

Hence, to make sure you and I are talking about the same thing, let's define foreplay and sex.




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